Who were some of your best teachers? Not just the ones who knew their stuff, but the ones who knew you. Who were the teachers who saw you for you and truly helped you succeed?
I know you can think of a few, and I’ll tell you some of mine. In first grade, Mr. Hansel noticed my love for writing and started to set aside chapter books for me to read (which felt very advanced at the time). In sixth grade, Mrs. Mills talked to me one-on-one about my life and my interests and pushed me to be a better writer. My sophomore history teacher, Mr. Marano, had so much passion for studying history that I actually started to love it myself, and he praised me for my growing interest. I could go on and on about the teachers I’ve known and loved.
These strong teacher-student relationships formed who I am as a person. I don’t think I would have pursued an English degree if it hadn’t started with Mr. Hansel praising my writing skills in elementary school. Building strong relationships with students is more than friendship; it is the key to fostering a successful learning environment.
Building student relationships is proven to help boost student engagement, increase test scores, and encourage greater effort in classwork.
Let’s dive into a few more benefits and ways to build relationships with students.
Why Positive Relationships Matter in Education
Positive relationships with students are key to enhancing student achievement and fostering student engagement. When students feel valued and cared for by a teacher, they are more likely to actively engage in the learning process and take hold of the material. A positive and supportive learning environment fosters student curiosity. It creates a space where students are comfortable asking questions, failing, and trying again.
As an added bonus, research from the University of Michigan shows that teachers also perform better when they have positive relationships with students. Teachers who have strong student relationships are more competent in soft skills such as kindness, compassion, and caring for others. This social awareness helps you as the teacher better recognize the unique needs of your students. It also helps them feel comfortable to share their successes and failures with you in their learning. Students who can find growth in their successes and their failures are set up to be the best learners and leaders.
And that road to success begins with you.
The American Psychological Association recently reported that students with close and supportive relationships with teachers have higher academic performance and achievement than students who often conflict with students. Strong student-teacher relationships create space for students to receive more constructive guidance and praise from teachers. Because of a positive relationship with the teacher, students will trust and actually apply feedback, thus helping them excel in academic performance. The American Psychological Association reported that for K-8 students, those who conflicted with their teachers had poorer math and language arts skills when compared to students who had good relationships.
We don’t know everything that a student is going through at home, with friends, or in their head. But we can help them feel valued. When a teacher makes a student feel heard, the student will start to recognize their own inherent worth and potential. As we create these relationships one-on-one with students, this will foster a classroom community and learning environment where students feel comfortable sharing their ideas, collaborating, failing, trying again, and growing.
Where do we even begin with strengthening student relationships?
The American Psychological Association gives a few tips that will take you from a passive teacher to an active one:
Creating a positive classroom environment begins with your classroom structure. Have clear and consistent rules and routines from day to day. Consistency helps students feel comfortable in the classroom because they’ll know what to expect and look forward to. However, find the balance here between structure and flexibility—be open to student feedback on adjustments to make or how to do things a little differently. Hearing out student suggestions is a great way to show them you value their contributions to the classroom culture.
As you work with students to create meaningful relationships and a classroom community, show your belief in them to succeed. Set high expectations that will stretch them. It’s a fine balance that you’ll learn over time. Students may resist at first, but as we push them out of their comfort zone and into the growth zone, that is where you will see the most success. Realistic but stretching expectations will put students in a place where they can find their purpose and realize their aspirations.
As you work to push students to be their best, make sure the parameters of success are clear. Be clear about your expectations and what a successful result looks like (a good essay, a well-written conclusion to a science experiment, etc.). When students miss the mark, assume they tried their best rather than assuming a lack of effort. Ask them to explain their thinking to you so you can identify any disconnect they may have with the material. Be patient as you push students into the growth zone—it’s a new experience for them, and we want them to see growth as a joyful thing, not something to be avoided.
The worst feeling is knowing you could do better but not knowing where to begin. Students shouldn’t feel like their road to improvement is a jumbled and confusing mess with signs pointing every which way. Give students feedback that is clear, thought-out, and specific. For example, bad feedback could be “You need to pay more attention so you’re not so bad at long division.” This leaves students feeling incapable and unsure how to move forward.
More effective feedback may be: “I noticed your long division homework answers aren’t always correct. Let’s try going over it step by step together. Start by double-checking your subtraction at each step.” This feedback gives students a specific goal to work on (i.e., doing long division correctly) while providing steps to help them get there (checking their subtraction). Personalized and specific feedback helps students feel noticed and appreciated. It shows your students that you care about their individual progress.
Do you remember what Middle and High School was like? Unfortunately, I do too. Think about the challenges you might have experienced: your first crush on a classmate, identity crisis, not feeling popular, braces. The challenges are endless. Toss in the complications of social media and technology today, and we need to certainly commend today’s students for the challenges they experience.
Students are experiencing so many diverse challenges, both in and out of school, that it can be difficult to cultivate a relationship. In a lot of cases, the last thing a student is thinking about is if they’re good friends with their biology or history teacher. So how do we foster relationships with rebellious, insecure, eccentric, or older students?
First of all, remember that all great relationships take time. Your devotion and effort to helping your students feel seen will improve day by day, as long as you are willing to be patient. There are a few other things you can do beyond patience to build meaningful relationships with your middle school and high school students.
Try your best to listen. Truly listen, not just head-nodding in-one-ear listening. Listen deeply by expressing empathy and showing you’re engaged by your body language (turn towards them, look them in the eye, etc.). Creating a classroom environment where students feel really heard—from answers to questions, questions about an assignment, or stories of their personal life—is the key to fostering positive relationships.
After listening, take an interest in the lives of your students. How did their basketball tryouts go? Are they thinking of trying out for the next school play? What do they like to do for fun? These can be verbal conversations with students, or you can offer these questions as a short writing assignment for students who are more shy. When students share about themselves, do so in return. Tell them about your epic fail in the state basketball final. Share an anecdote about your first time joining your high school’s theater department. Show them that you’re a person too.
Although the lives and problems of elementary and preschool students may seem less complex, they deserve just as much attention and relationship-building as older students.
Elementary teachers, especially kindergarten teachers are key to helping students bridge the gap between home and school. You are a tool for emotional support as young children are first learning the ins-and-outs of academic and social experiences. The attitude you cultivate towards learning will have a lasting impact on students as they progress through academics.
When classroom environments are engaging and fun, students associate those same feelings with learning itself. Build group activities into your lesson plans to help students cultivate their friendships with one another and their collaboration skills. When teams succeed, celebrate their successes (big or small). When teams miss the mark, show them that it is an opportunity to regroup and try again.
Here are some of our top ways to build relationships with younger students:
Student participation is one of the best ways for students to learn. Create a classroom community where students feel comfortable sharing their ideas and receiving feedback from their peers. Early in the school year, make it clear that the classroom is a place of learning, and that means all ideas and questions are welcome. Call on students who raise their hands often, but also call on quieter students to encourage them to share their thoughts and speak up.
As the classroom grows into a place of collaboration, students will feel increased motivation—not only motivation for their own personal gain, but motivation to better the classroom community. To enhance your students’ interest in the assignments, incorporate their interests—sports, a video game, book characters, or a recent movie. When students see pieces of their interests in an assignment (an essay prompt, a math problem, a science experiment scenario) they’ll be even more excited to get work done.
Conclusion
Building strong relationships with students is the gateway to their success. Students who have a relationship of trust with their teachers are more likely to put effort into their school work and succeed academically.
Take the dive today—create relationships and cultivate learning.
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